you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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