We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
