Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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