It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
