I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
