just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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