I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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