I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
