the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Will exercising make me less horny?
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