Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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