i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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