shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
