We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
