do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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