you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
