I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
