there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
