He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
