Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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