He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
