I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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