I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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