You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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