btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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