In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
