we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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