I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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