i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
