how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize