We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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