well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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