Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
