He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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