recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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