This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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