I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
