these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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