so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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