I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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