We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone came in the potted fern
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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