so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
