He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
