He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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