i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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