Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
