So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
