I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
