My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
