I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
