The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
