I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Green mimosas i think yes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
