I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
