my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
