you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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