3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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