But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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