I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
