I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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