You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
