living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
