y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
