i can't believe i had my finger in that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we're so committed to being not committed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
