I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
