Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
