im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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