booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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