yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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