First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
