im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
