I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize