ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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