The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
