I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
