I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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