The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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