I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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