yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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