i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize