you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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